Solace by the sea 

The rise, peak and fall of a wave in the ocean can be likened to a surge of grief. Finding a way to move forward and take the next steps on a bereavement journey is challenging enough for an adult, let alone a child. Unfortunately, the death of a parent is something that approximately one in 20 Australian children will experience before their 18th birthday.

Bellarine-based bereavement charity Wombat’s Wish aims to rebuild the lives of children and young people after the death of a parent or caregiver. The organisation is Victoria's only specialised non-profit, children’s charity grief service supporting children after the death of a parent.

All Wombat’s Wish’s services are at no cost to the families or children. Offerings include a weekend grief program for children and the surviving parent or carer, one-on-one counselling support, family days, resources for schools and GP visits. 

When children’s charities unite

Nicki Dunne, General Manager of Operations, Programs and Partnerships at Wombat’s Wish, is no stranger to Cottage by the Sea. “I’ve always had a soft spot for Cottage,” she shares. One of Nicki’s sons, Sean, is Cottage’s Programs Coordinator and has worked at Cottage for the past 15 years.

Additionally, Nicki has collaborated with Cottage for decades in her previous role as General Manager at the Bellarine Training and Community Hub (BTACH). “I used to run the BTACH Youth Drop In Program and once a year we would stay the night at Cottage with the kids,” Nicki explains.

Sean is also a Team Leader at Wombat’s Wish and helps facilitate roughly six of its grief programs a year. “That’s how the partnership came about – because Sean and I worked together back on the Drop In and also with Wombat’s,” Nicki explains. I’ve always had a good working relationship with Cottage and just brought that over with me to Wombat’s Wish,” she continues. Nicki has been working at Wombat’s Wish since 2020.

Shared belonging through grief

For the past three years, Wombat’s Wish has held an annual Youth Weekend Grief Program at Cottage by the Sea. In this year’s grief program at Cottage, held in July, young people aged 12-18 came together in a safe space to explore grief, cultivate resilience and connect with each other. This program aims to normalise grief while helping young people develop coping skills and enhance peer support. The facilitators include youth psychologists, social workers, youth workers, grief counsellors, mental health workers and a GP from Headspace.

Program activities involved beach walks, art sessions, basketball and ping pong at Cottage, plus mini golf in Wallington. The weekend offered space for individual reflection, as well as team bonding through group activities.

“We run through a number of workshops around the different stages of grief, the feelings they can have and coping mechanisms they can use when experiencing grief, along with the support networks around them. Young people have the opportunity to write questions to a paediatrician who visits on Sunday to talk through some tough questions around the death of their parent,” explains Sean, who helped facilitate this program.

“Some of these young people had never opened up about their grief to anyone before, so for them to have spoken about their experiences on this camp was a huge step forward,” Sean shares. “The camps remind them that they’re not alone – they’re surrounded by other kids who have all experienced the same thing,” he continues.

Instant & lifelong connections

Nicki’s voice softens as she reflects on what makes Wombat’s Wish so extraordinary. “There are so many things that are special about Wombat’s Wish. For me personally, it’s about the connections that the kids and the families make instantly on the weekend grief camps. We have them from 6pm on Friday night through to 2pm on Sunday, and they make lifelong friendships,” Nicki shares.

A participant from the very first camp Wombat’s Wish held in 2005 contacted Nicki last year – he’s now 25 years old – to say that his best friend is a child he met at a Wombat’s Wish camp. “We’ve got lots of stories like that,” Nicki adds. “The connections the families make are instant and lifelong. It’s amazing to see,” Nicki shares.

“It’s so that kids don’t feel alone in their grief. They often feel like they’re the only ones. Even though one in 20 kids have a parent die before they turn 18 in Australia, they often feel alone – like they’re the only one, no one else gets it. A lot of kids feel like they’re left out at school because their peers don’t know what to say to them. If they have a meltdown on a bad day, they can then often get bullied, because kids don’t understand. On these camps, they’re with people that totally get what they’re going through and have that understanding,” Nicki continues.

At Wombat’s Wish, sharing practical tools is just as important as offering emotional support. “During the program, we give the participants coping techniques on how to get through their bad days, their difficult feelings. We also provide packs to schools that support kids at school through their grief,” Nicki explains.

Charities enabling charities

As a small children’s charity that receives no government funding, Wombat’s Wish is deeply grateful for its partnership with Cottage by the Sea. “From Wombat’s Wish’s point of view, we really appreciate the support we get from Cottage,” Nicki shares, adding that Wombat’s Wish has just had to cancel a camp due to lack of funds. “We really struggle financially.”

The bereavement charity relies on philanthropy to operate, in addition to volunteers and minimal staff members. “We operate in the state with only a 1.8 full-time position. The rest of the time, all the staff, my team, they volunteer their time. The fact that Cottage really supports our work is awesome … it makes a huge difference for us to be able to support more kids,” Nicki shares.

Charities enabling charities takes on different forms. In the partnership with Cottage and Wombat’s Wish, it’s resulted in cross-referrals and funding support. Not only have Cottage staff members referred bereaved families to Wombat’s Wish, but they have also helped the charity secure much-needed program funds. Additionally, another Cottage staff member, Shelby, works on Wombat’s Wish grief programs.

“Sean’s got a really broad understanding of how to support kids through grief, and if you’ve got kids coming to Cottage who are bereaved, you’ve got Sean and Shelby who have experience with bereaved kids,” Nicki explains.

A key parallel between Cottage and Wombat’s Wish is the belonging and community that manifests in both organisations’ programs. “We’re all working towards the same goal: trying to support kids – no matter what the situation – in the best way that we can,” Nicki shares.

Nicki explains how preventative support is key to the work of Wombat’s Wish, and in many ways the work of Cottage, too: “We know that 56 per cent of 12–18-year-olds turn to drugs, alcohol, disengagement from school or risky behaviours after the death of a parent … we all need to do the prevention work.”

Connections far & wide

Adam Wake, Cottage by the Sea CEO, has also had a long history with Wombat’s Wish. "The reach of Wombat's Wish is so wide that I worked with a few of the charity's participants in my previous role at a wilderness village in the High Country a decade ago,” Adam explains. 

The connection didn't stop there. “Not only did one of the participants return the following year to Licola as a ‘mentor’, but I invited the kinship carer of this family to stay at our Riptide respite facility back in 2020, shortly after I became CEO at Cottage," Adam continues.

Riding the waves together

The Geelong Advertiser reported that approximately “100 Geelong children are affected each year by the death of a parent”. Through the valuable work of Wombat’s Wish, more of these children and their families can move forward and be supported through this life-altering experience, provided with the tools they need to ride the waves of grief and the reminder that they’re not alone on the journey.